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Groucho Marx Quotes

I've collected all the Groucho Marx Quotes and Quotations together on this page!

The Marx Brothers with Groucho Marx

Photograph of the Marx Brothers with Groucho Marx third from the top, or second from the bottom, or ... :-)

Here is Jocund's personal favourite Groucho Mark Quotation:
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx Quotes in alphabetical order: (This selection of quotes copyright 2006 Jocund.Com).

A four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head or tail out of it. (From the Marx Brothers' Movie, Duck Soup) Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you. (From the Marx Brother's movie, Duck Soup) Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. (From the Marx Brother's movie, Duck Soup) Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Go, and never darken my towels again. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Remember you're fighting for this woman's honor - which is probably more than she ever did. (Duck Soup) Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

There's only one way to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first. (Duck Soup) Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Women should be obscene and not heard. Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

You can leave in taxi. If you can't leave in taxi you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. (From the Marx Brother's Movie, Duck Soup) Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Note: This specific collection of Groucho Marx Quotations are copyright 2006 Jocund.Com.


Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997)

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948)

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx